Aye! It Be A Pirates Life Fer Me!

So.

Mommers is living her last few days pain free. She's cracking us up with some of the things she says, though. Like this morning, I woke up at 4am because Mom woke up at 4am. We talked and talked. Mostly crazy talk. But whatever. It was going okay until the hot sauce king got up. He gets up around 4:30 and leaves for work at 5. On his way out the door she started yelling at him.

"HSK! Go do the wild thing! GO do the WILD thing! GOOO DOOOO the WILD THING! HSK! HSK! Go do the wild thing! WHAT!!! Is she not pretty enough for you!?! GO DO THE WILD THING!"

"Gotta' go to work now, mom, see you later!" as he slams the front door.

"GO DO THE WILD THING! HSK! GO DO THE WILD THING!"
(HSK = Hot Sauce King = Brother's name of which I'm not permissed to tell)

I was on the floor totally unable to breath from laughing so hard.

She's not expected to live but four or five more days. I'm okay with it. Not freaking out or anything. But I sure will miss her.

Currently: unsuccessfully multitasking

Family Drama

We had a very serious family discussion about how my brother treats us. I thought I'd share part of that with y'all.

Disclaimer: I don't believe in adult language. Those who use adult language seriously need to grow up. However the following includes it, so avert your eyes. X_X

Mom: We are all mature adults here. We should be treating each other with respect.

Manda: Well, I refuse to be treated like an Ass Slave.

Hot Sauce King: Like a what?

Mom: She said an Ass Slave.

Hot Sauce King: What the hell is an Ass Slave?

Manda: You're always ordering me around and treating me like shit.

Currently: Cleaning the house. *scrub scrub*

King Frog Attacks Enemy City!!!!

The King Frog struck around 12:30 this morning rampaging the utopian society of Cricketopia. No one knows for sure why the King would do this, but one official is reported to have said the King had been suffering from tummy rumbles for the past few days.

This is a picture taken of the king just moments before the devastation.


The numbers are now in. Yes, it appears over 300 Cricket lives were lost. Stay tuned to The Alternative Universe for further updates. Manda out.

Currently: Uh, I don't know, writing stupid stories.

Tweet Tweet

I went out for lunch with Mom but I arrived at her work way too early. I had to sit in the car and watch tons of people heading off for their own lunch breaks. That's when they all turned into birds. It was weird.

A flock of seven came out and walked together down the side of the building. They seemed to be going too far. In a very choreographed manner, five of them raised their hands and pointed out into the parking lot, and with a single move, the flock changed directions. Then three more came out of the building. The flock of three spotted the flock of seven. The leader put her fingers to her lips and gave a loud whistle. The flock of seven turned to look. The leader of that flock whistled back. They seemed to communicate something to each other through whistles and sign language. All were agreed and then the flock of three burst into laughter and flew back into the building.

Weight: 185lbs

I Screamed Like A Girl

Yes, I've had some girly drama tonight.

Here I was... just sitting at the comp minding my own business when I see something black out of the corner of my eye. I look up and what do I see? A gigantic water bug on the ceiling. This is not the part where I scream.

I stared at the thing for some time... not quite believing my eyes. It was HUGE! He was three inches long, an inch wide, a centimeter thick, and had legs that were an inch and a half. I backed away slowly (or rolled away, as I was sitting in a chair) and proceeded down the hall to my mother's room (though, not in the chair).

After much convincing that there WAS actually a water bug on the ceiling, she finally got out of bed. Being blind as she is... she wouldn't stop asking if it was actually a locust.

Well, we were in a predicament. The brother just left to stay at our Dad's for the weekend... and while Brandon is taking his place (yes, he's staying here for a few days... AGAIN) as the replacement brother... he's off playing pool somewhere and couldn't help us either. And normally, our neighbors throw huge annoying parties on Friday nights... but neither of them have one going on tonight. So, it was just us girls... alone in the house... with a gigantic water bug on the ceiling.

By this time the bug was planning his acrobatic performance. He was doing his little warm up routine and some mild stretches. This did make us very nervous as we would have to pass under him to get to the roach spray in the kitchen. I volunteered for the job... but the mother thought it her duty as the, um, mother.

Before she went I gave her my contribution. An umbrella.

She walked very slowly towards the dining room... the umbrella held upright... a mild squeal in her throat.

I stared at the bug. He was slowly opening and closing his wings. His back bent. His front legs stretched.

As she closed in on the location of the water bug she paused.

The bug slowly opened his wings.

She made the leap past.

The bug dropped.

I screamed.

She screamed.

The dogs screamed.

The umbrella flew and we both ended up on opposite ends of the house... cringing, and wondering where that bug went.

... And then we heard it. It was rustling papers on the love seat. As Garfield S. just happened to be in the house at this time... he decided to investigate. We let him. But all he managed to do was get the bug to rush under the desk.

Mother could not find the roach spray but she did find the wasp and hornet spray which was even better. It can spray up to twenty feet away. However, there was the problem of getting her back over to my side of the house. After much drama we succeeded.

We sprayed and sprayed and he just wouldn't die. It did run around a lot causing us to scream several times more.

The situation finally ended when I chopped the thing in half with a garden hoe and chucked it next door. That will teach them not to skip their loud, annoying, Friday night party.

After several minutes of paranoia and saying good night to my dear Mom, I finally sat back down and started typing this story. That's when a spider decided to show up in front of my face. Another unwelcome creature from my living room ceiling. I, however, am not so afraid of tiny spiders and quickly squashed it.

Needless to say, every little itch and tickle is causing me hysteria and I can't quit checking my surroundings. This sucks. I wish we could afford to get the house exterminated again. Those six years of living bug free were heaven.

Weight: 185lbs

Ho Ho Ho

Okay, I feel alot happier now. Hehe.

Richard (our preacher) and Henry (our deacon) were hilarious this morning after church. Mom had called up there Friday to ask for a wheel chair temporarily so he said he'd find us one today. Well, Richard was insisting on finding us the best one so he started testing them out with Henry pushing him up and down the foyer. Pretty soon they were trying out pop'a'wheelies and other acrobatic moves. It was classic.

We went over to my uncle's and cleaned out some of the kitchen. Played with cats. Yep. Good day.

Weight: 175lbs

So, Um, I Almost Burned Down My House

Note to self: Do not leave the toaster oven unnatended... ever.

Yea, I am completely aware of the problems my toaster oven has. You press the little toaster lever down, and then... it cooks... and cooks... and cooks. Yea, it never pops back up again. I know this. I have burned my little food projects before because of this. Why do I forget this?

So seeings' the only food in this house is a package of bagels, I of course decided to have a bagel. (Duh, Manda. Where is this leading?) I was very hungry. I skipped breakfast. This was a lunch thing. I took the little bagel out of the package and popped it in the microwave for a defrost. Then took it out after about ten seconds and ripped the half frozen, half hot bagel open and popped it into the toaster oven. I set the desired time temp thing and pushed down the lever. Then I walked over to my computer to turn it on. My intentions were to turn the comp on and then go back and get my bagel.

Yea, I didn't do that. I turned it on. Got on the net. Started updating my virus protection. Looked at my emails. Just generally doing my everyday ruitine. (How do you spell that?) I started noticing that my eyes were getting a little blurry. I didn't much pay attention to that. I have allergies and it happens all the time. Then I noticed that my sight was getting kinda foggy. That happens occasionally, also. Then my dog started whining. I looked down at him and then looked up. The whole place was just filled with white smoke. How the h* did I not notice that?

So I run into the kitchen uttering a few choice words and banged up the switch lever thing. I opened the window door thing and it almost burnt my hand. The whole thing was fiery hot. Ouch. Then I just stood there staring at my black bagels, watching the never ending waves of white smoke it was whaffing out. (How do you spell that?)

A few moments later I snap out of my reverie and start opening windows and such. My brother came home and said, "What did you burn? I know you burned something. I could see you frantically opening windows from accross the street." Then he came in and saw the smoke, and he laughed hysterically at me.

Well, I was still hungry so I got out some more bagels, put them in the microwave, used a couple of knives to pick out the burnt bagels, put the new nice yellow bagels in the toaster oven, and I sat there and stared at those bagels until the edges turned dark like I like it. No cream cheese or jelly. No toppings. Just bagels... There's nothing else in the house to eat... We should probably go grocery shopping (yea, duh)... Can't wait for dinner.

Weight: 176lbs

The Lost Kitty

I, of course, just had to tell you about my lost kitty!

I have two black cats. They are brothers and completely opposite of eachother. One is skinny, mean, and so stressed out that he licks his stomach and back legs to baldness. The other is big and fat. He lays around all day and eats anything in sight. Even the dog's kibbles'n'bits. Both are boys. The skinny mean one is named Felix and fatty is named Garfield S.

Well, neither cat has ever been out of the house for more than twenty minutes but yesterday, as we were coming back from getting food, Garfield S ran out of the house and started eating grass by the front porch. It was about six in the evening, and he never returned. Mom and I went out searching for him but it was dark and it was cold and we gave up. I searched a few more times that night but finally went to bed at midnight.

The next day, I took my dog out to search for him. I searched for him for at least an hour. I checked the streets, the bushes, everything. I was in the alley way behind my neighbors house when I spotted what looked like a black trashbag behind their trash can up by their garage. I went up to look anyways. I leaned over the trash can and saw black fur and my heart just hit the floor.

I moved the trashcan out of the way and got on my knees to look at him. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me. I just talked to him for a bit. I didn't know what happened to him. He could of gotten in a bite and contracted rabies. I know I should get his shots more often, but he's an inside cat and never leaves the front yard. I also thought he had been hit by a car and dragged himself up behind the trash cans to die. I've had animals that had done that before, back when I lived in the country.

I talked to him for about two minutes. I was just so sure that he was near death. He didn't move any, just looked at me kinda' sad. Then, all of a sudden, he gave a nice big meow, got up, and slowly started walking home.

I've been keeping the other pets from bothering him too much, and of course, made sure he got plenty of food to eat. He missed two meals which is a big deal with that fat cat. I looked up the symptoms for rabies and other potential illnesses and I'm keeping a close watch on him, but he hasn't any symptoms and no visible injuries, so what am I to do? Oh, well.

Weight: 178lbs