I Screamed Like A Girl

Yes, I've had some girly drama tonight.

Here I was... just sitting at the comp minding my own business when I see something black out of the corner of my eye. I look up and what do I see? A gigantic water bug on the ceiling. This is not the part where I scream.

I stared at the thing for some time... not quite believing my eyes. It was HUGE! He was three inches long, an inch wide, a centimeter thick, and had legs that were an inch and a half. I backed away slowly (or rolled away, as I was sitting in a chair) and proceeded down the hall to my mother's room (though, not in the chair).

After much convincing that there WAS actually a water bug on the ceiling, she finally got out of bed. Being blind as she is... she wouldn't stop asking if it was actually a locust.

Well, we were in a predicament. The brother just left to stay at our Dad's for the weekend... and while Brandon is taking his place (yes, he's staying here for a few days... AGAIN) as the replacement brother... he's off playing pool somewhere and couldn't help us either. And normally, our neighbors throw huge annoying parties on Friday nights... but neither of them have one going on tonight. So, it was just us girls... alone in the house... with a gigantic water bug on the ceiling.

By this time the bug was planning his acrobatic performance. He was doing his little warm up routine and some mild stretches. This did make us very nervous as we would have to pass under him to get to the roach spray in the kitchen. I volunteered for the job... but the mother thought it her duty as the, um, mother.

Before she went I gave her my contribution. An umbrella.

She walked very slowly towards the dining room... the umbrella held upright... a mild squeal in her throat.

I stared at the bug. He was slowly opening and closing his wings. His back bent. His front legs stretched.

As she closed in on the location of the water bug she paused.

The bug slowly opened his wings.

She made the leap past.

The bug dropped.

I screamed.

She screamed.

The dogs screamed.

The umbrella flew and we both ended up on opposite ends of the house... cringing, and wondering where that bug went.

... And then we heard it. It was rustling papers on the love seat. As Garfield S. just happened to be in the house at this time... he decided to investigate. We let him. But all he managed to do was get the bug to rush under the desk.

Mother could not find the roach spray but she did find the wasp and hornet spray which was even better. It can spray up to twenty feet away. However, there was the problem of getting her back over to my side of the house. After much drama we succeeded.

We sprayed and sprayed and he just wouldn't die. It did run around a lot causing us to scream several times more.

The situation finally ended when I chopped the thing in half with a garden hoe and chucked it next door. That will teach them not to skip their loud, annoying, Friday night party.

After several minutes of paranoia and saying good night to my dear Mom, I finally sat back down and started typing this story. That's when a spider decided to show up in front of my face. Another unwelcome creature from my living room ceiling. I, however, am not so afraid of tiny spiders and quickly squashed it.

Needless to say, every little itch and tickle is causing me hysteria and I can't quit checking my surroundings. This sucks. I wish we could afford to get the house exterminated again. Those six years of living bug free were heaven.

Weight: 185lbs